i'm really annoyed with myself.
it's already march and i'm still jobless whereas most of my friends have somewhat already started on their career. and here i am still waking up at 1pm and bumming my life away. while everybody i meet tell me how much they envy this lifestyle i lead, i feel otherwise. but hey, the grass is always greener on the other side isn't it.
i'm not disillusioned, i know it's my fault that i'm still unemployed. no matter how many excuses i can come up with or those that my friends tell me to make me feel better, in the end it still comes down to me. there's a huge gap between knowing you're at fault and doing something about it and i definitely know where i stand.
procrastination is definitely one of my major issues. i'm like the 'last minute' guy. if i had something to do and let's say 2 months to do it, i'd only start 3 days before the deadline. you can look at it as a weakness or choose to see it in a positive light and say that i work better under pressure. and right now, there ain't enough pressure.
well, yes, i do get the neverending nagging from the parents, and the constant reminder of my depleting savings everytime i withdraw cash from the ATM. so what is it exactly that's making me procrastinate?
maybe, its fear. fear of the unknown or fear of change perhaps. i've never really worked a day in my life and this transition from being a student to a working adult is too drastic. i've got no point of reference. i don't know what to do.
it's like how kids always cry on the first day of school. it's not because they hate school or because they miss home but because of this fear of transition. being catapulted into a new environment makes me really nervous too.
enough.
it's time i do something about it.
maybe, after i catch this latest episode of Desperate Housewives.
alijoe
