my final semester results came out today. exam results day always makes me so damn nervous especially this one, since it determines whether i can finally graduate from university.
the days leading to the 3rd of dec were filled with so much tension. uncertainty was never one of the traits i can handle best. especially being a perfectionist, i like to plan everything and make sure everything goes accordingly. uncertainty only throws me off my comfort zone.
the night before the results, rumours were flying around regarding the actual time that the results will be announced. most of my friends were online and almost everyone was feeling the effects of anticipation. especially me as i knew i did very badly for my finance paper. it being a tough paper was one thing but me being so terrible in all things math made it even worse. finally at almost 4am i managed to fall asleep.
not even in sleep did i manage to escape the tension though. i had bad dreams of failing and i kept waking up at random intervals. at around 8+ am, i received an sms from my friend alerting me of what i've been dreading. it was time.
switched on my computer and i stared blankly at the screen as it was loading. my heart palpitating fiercer than Sasha Pivovarova's walk. as i keyed in my password and waited for the results to load, no words could explain all the emotions i felt at one time. i felt like a virgin on the first night of my wedding to a very pretty thai girl. very horny and very excited but praying to the heavens that a cock doesnt pop out when i rip off her panties with my teeth.
and then i saw it. the results to the five subjects i took.
all the emotions built up to this moment and the first thing i did was let out a 7 octave scream. my mother rushed to my room wondering whether Mariah Carey has just made another comeback only to see the look on my face, not the one Jenna Jameson was famous for, but a look of a different kind.
still trembling, i turned to her and said, 'mummy, i passed.'
no, Mariah Carey did not make a comeback and no, ah lians haven't yet given up on the bow headband trend but this was definitely better news.
the smile on her face was that of pride, joy and i guess part relief that she no longer has to pay the exhorbitant school fees. and then she said to me, 'lets call your father and tell him the great news'.
i dialed the numbers to his mobile and set my phone to loudspeaker. both mother and son eagerly waiting for the ringing tone to come to an end so we could convey the happiness to the other side.
'hello?'
i let my mother do all the talking. yes, it was my moment but you could see it in her face and hear it in her voice that it was her moment too. she was enjoying this.
my father's reply came across as abrupt and rather nonchalant. all he said was 'oh okay. thats good.' it might have seemed as uncaring or cold to other people. but to me, that was just how my father is, a man of few words. he's not somebody somebody who shows his emotions much. once while watching Big Momma House on dvd at home i realised he didnt even laugh once during the movie. i asked him whether the movie was funny. all he said was, 'Yes'. and until the movie ended, his face maintained the same expression. thats just how he is.
my mother noticed though that i was probably feeling a little let down from the phonecall. so she just smiled at me and said, 'maybe he's very busy at work'. she then went ahead to kitchen and made me a hot cup of milo.
that night, which was tonight, my father came home from work. my mother made him a cup of coffee as he sat in the living room watching the news on tv. he lighted up a ciggarette and asked me to pass him his briefcase which was on the chair next to me.
he unzipped the bag and took out a big box of Fererro Rocher and passed it to me. with a funny smile on his face especially with the ciggarette still in his mouth, he said to me, 'well done'.
(:
i've always wanted to go to la salle or shatec to pursue a more creative career but i chose a to study business instead in a polytechnic and then to university. it was never about the passion but more about the promise of a well paying stable job. the future well being of my family rested on my laurels and squandering it away just to fulfil a passion wasnt what i deemed appropriate.
in life, we always have choices. sometimes we steer our choices to what we think is best for the ones we love. i neglected my heart and made a choice with my head.
those 2 smiles i saw today were smiles of pride from the two people i love the most in the world.
those 2 smiles today was the confirmation that i had made the right choice.
ALI JOE
